


Heartbroken

by hongjoongtrash



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:34:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22557184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongjoongtrash/pseuds/hongjoongtrash
Summary: Hongjoong left San, leaving him heartbroken and making the other members hate him. One night, he can't handle the pain anymore.
Relationships: Choi San/Kim Hongjoong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	Heartbroken

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language, please tell me if there is any mistakes!

"We fucking hate you Hongjoong. You broke his heart."

Seonghwa's words were like knives in the leader's mind. No one wanted to share a room with him no more. Outside of the stage, they were all ignoring him. He spends ninety-nine percent of his time in his studio, not eating, not sleeping, just crying. He knew he was hated by his bandmates, and he couldn't be mad at them. He understood. He would have hated himself too. In fact, he _do_ hate himself.

The older left the studio, leaving Hongjoong alone. The boy couldn't think anymore. He wanted to disappear, to not be able to feel this pain, this pain that consumed him. He took a bottle of vodka under the couch. Search for some sleeping pills on his desk. Maybe he took all the pills and drank all the bottle. All he could think about was him. His voice. His smile. His eyes. And his broken heart.

Everything became dark.

* * *

When he opened his eyes, he felt something horrible in his nose : a tub was in it. He was also not able to move. He had his wrists and ankles attached to the bed he was in. His ideas weren't clear, his head hurt, his stomach too. He moaned in despair.

"You awake hyung?"

Hyung. It was an eternity since someone called him like that. His eyes were filled with tears. He looked at Mingi before escaping his stare. Tears were rolling down his rosie cheeks. A warm hand whipped those tears away, and started caressing Hongjoong's left cheek.

"You scared us Joongie."

He was fucking broke. Spasms were controlling his body, and he had tears everywhere. Hearing Yunho's voice calling him like that was the edge of what he could handle in a day. He couldn't look at them. He was so pathetic.

"We were worried because you weren't coming back to the dorm. Yeosang found you in your studio. You were barely breathing. He called an ambulance and the doctor told us that you... You tried to kill yourself..."

Jongho's voice was warm. Worried. Soft. He was talking to the leader like he was a child. But the last words resonated into Hongjoong's head. He tried to kill himself. And he didn't. What a failure he was.

"What were you thinking? Why did you do that?"

Wooyoung wasn't aggressive in his words. He just wanted to know the truth. They were all around his bed. All, except him. Hongjoong tried to talk, to tell them he was so sorry, he wanted to apologise on his knees but he couldn't. Words weren't coming out of his mouth. He was just full of tears.

"Shht. Take your time baby."

They didn't know, but those pet names were so painful to hear. He didn't deserve them. Not after what he did. He moaned again, but because it was hurtful to be alive.

"I-I... so sorr-... Didn't meant to... Plea-please I'm sorry..."

Seonghwa sat on the bed. Gently took the leader's hand and intertwined their fingers. Pressed a kiss on his forehead.

"Are you going to hurt yourself again?"

"N-no..."

The older slowly untied the handcuffs that were attaching the poor boy at his bed.

"The nurses said to untie you if you were with one of us, but we were afraid you'd do something again."

The last cuffs detached, Hongjoong went on his knees, bending, his face against the floor.

"I'm so, so sorry... Please f-forgive me..."

"Hey, hey baby boy, get back on your bed. No need to apologise. It's us, we... it was stupid. We should have known you weren't breaking his heart in purpose. You always loved him, right? And you still do. The manager told us."

Hongjoong's cheeks were red because he was crying, but also because of shyness. Yes he loved him. With all his heart and oh my god, he was heartbroken too. When his manager told him to end their relationship otherwise they would disband. When he decided to told him he never loved him. When he broke his heart.

He swore both of them broke at the same time.

"Can I... Please can I see him...?"

They all smiled softly and left, after pressing a kiss on his forehead or his cheeks, after saying some comfort words and some little 'sorry'. When they were all out, he finally saw him. In his favourite sweatshirt. A tight pair of jeans. His hair messy.

And eyes like he didn't sleep for days.

"S-Sannie...?"

San got up. Smiled a little at the surname. And started to cry too.

"Sannie I'm terribly sorry... I-I know I fucked up, I did everything wrong, I-I shouldn't have accepted to break your heart, I swear I would have never hurted you in purpose, I understand i-if you don't want... want me anymore..."

"Shut up Joong."

The younger boy pressed his lips against Hongjoong's mouth. The kiss was wet, the leader was quietly sobbing, tears rolling down in cheeks.

"I love you, you stupid idiot."

And at that time, both of their heart had recomposed.


End file.
